Dating Myself; Not Looking for Sperm Donors

(If you can guess the title reference before reading through this post, high five.)

When I first got divorced I told myself I wasn’t going to date anyone right away. But then, I did. It didn’t work out. I ended up dating the exact opposite of my ex, but it wasn’t what I really wanted or needed. So, I went on a few more dates off and on and then after a road trip to Florida, came home and met someone who swept me off my feet. That’s what we all want after all, right? Maybe not.

First, I wasn’t ready for it.

Second, according to Urban Dictionary being swept off one’s feet means “the feeling that one gets when completely taken by someone, carried away, swept away (all emotionally).” The Free Dictionary: “to cause someone to fall suddenly and completely in love with you.” Merriam Webster doesn’t have a definition for this one.  Had I been ready to handle this I probably wouldn’t have actually gotten swept away, I would have kept my feet on the ground and continued to invest in myself.  I’ve also decided that because I’m a runner, I should probably never be swept off my feet – kinda makes it hard to get to the finish line. 

Anyway, life sucks that way: you sometimes aren’t where you think you are or want to be for a given moment. At that point, I still had a lot to overcome but it may have taken being swept off my feet for me to realize just how much work I had to do in order to be truly happy with my life and get over obstacles in my past. So, I’m back to not dating anyone. Well, that’s not entirely true, I’m dating myself. Thanks Ann Perkins for the idea! (No, I will NOT be looking for a sperm donor anytime soon, thank you.)

Of course, I decided this on a run. And then I thought about it a little more and realized that right before I met that guy who swept me off my feet, I was beginning to date myself and didn’t even realize it and in some ways it was agonizing because I was forced to look at feelings and all that emotion that we sometimes choose to stuff away.

Unfortunately, when I started dating Mr. Swept Me Off My Feet I got lost. I stopped doing the things I love – like running or learning to sail, camping and exploring, meeting new people. I essentially stopped dating myself when I started dating him.

So I’m back to running again; camping and signed up for my next sailing class. Dating myself – trying new things. Going to a bike group, trying new art classes. Dating myself and eliminating the things I dislike while doing the things I do like. I’ve even discovered the power of meditation.

If this post sounds familiar, it’s because it’s very similar to the #TakingBackFifelski post but it goes further. Part of #TakingBackFifelski means I’ll be hitting some bumps along the road. I’ll do some things I don’t love but it’s okay, just as long as I learn the lesson and move on.

Of course, my first and foremost learned lesson is that running is a mandatory in my life. So, I’m lacing up and going for a run. It’s a date!

Happy running!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s